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Golden Ninja Invasion
1987; directed by Bruce Lambert

It's time for some more white-boy ninja goodness from the semi-infamous Filmark studio with Golden Ninja Invasion. Probably the first (and biggest) indicator of this cut-and-paste release's quality (or lack thereof) is the fact that there aren't even any golden ninjas in here -- just a pasty Aussie dude in a blue ninja suit and a B-list Thai action star who employs a "power glove" to save the day.

Golden Ninja Invasion  Golden Ninja Invasion

The source material for this hot mess is an obscure early 1980s Thai actioner starring Sorapong Chatri. Thanks to Jesus P�rez Molina from Golden Ninja Warrior Chronicles, it looks like the original release kept at least some form of the power glove gimmick, but here the leather hand wear takes on ridiculous abilities, such as being able to withstand a 10000 volt shock. Of course, given the ultra-cheap nature of the production, this is something which is mentioned but is never actually shown, with the power glove's true force -- much like a knockoff kid's toy bought from Family Dollar as a last minute birthday present from a deadbeat dad -- seemingly being limited to making punches sound like they sort of are being made by Ultraman.

Golden Ninja Invasion  Golden Ninja Invasion

On the other side of the cut-and-paste equation, the new footage is helmed by Bruce Lambert -- which, like all of the other credits on the English-language print, is probably made up, but is not (as some sources list) Godfrey Ho, since he never worked on Filmark productions. At any rate, long-time Filmark (and IFD Films, which is Godfrey Ho's company) star Stuart Smith jumps in and out of the film as an international agent going after the evil non-ninja suit wearing ninja clan. After surely getting a brain tumor from putting a 1980s brick cell phone to his head for extended periods, Stewie hops into a lovely blue ninja suit to save the day. Why doesn't he just do this from the beginning? Who knows?

Golden Ninja Invasion  Golden Ninja Invasion

That sort of thing (aka basic plot cohesiveness) is something that you're not going to get here. Like most of the other Filmark ninja movies, Golden Ninja Invasion is a cinematic trainwreck. Taken on its' own terms, it is one of the better (if that sort of term could effectively be employed for a movie of this type) efforts the studio did. The action in the Thai footage is surprisingly well done, even after you take into account the goofy sound effects and dubbing superimposed by producer Tomas Tang and his motley crew, and the new ninja antics are suitably enough bad in a good way to at least keep your attention, if not generate a few belly laughs.

RATING: 6

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