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Kickboxer 3: The Art of War
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Ugh, what a total mess this movie is. It's one of those productions that boggles your mind to think how on God's green earth it was even conceived. Kickboxer 3 was apparently made by a group of people that thought it was a good idea to have a movie named "kickboxer" that has pretty much no actual kickboxing in it. The slim plot has David Sloan (Sasha Mitchell), who is now the world kickboxing champ, along with his trainer Xian (Dennis Chan), heading down to Brazil to compete in a championship bout against some generic tough guy named Martine (Ian Jacklin). David and Xian befriend a couple of homeless kids, and when one of them is kidnapped by the nasty Lane (Richard Comar) to be put into his underage prostitution ring, it's on like Donkey Kong. You might think this would lead to some sort of cool Bloodsport-style underground tournament. Nope, it just leads to Kickboxer 3 becoming a really shitty "mismatched buddies" action flick. Fists and feet of fury are replaced with Woo-wannabe shootouts and shitty one-liners, and the end result is annoyance and boredom for the viewer. Seriously, you'll probably find more hard-hitting action at a kids' karate class than you will here. The film-makers try to beef things up at the end with an actual kickboxing match between David and Martine, which is admittedly at least competent. But after eighty minutes of having Sasha Mitchell channeling Keanu Reeves with a head cold hopped up on NyQuil (with an annoying kid actor tagging along to boot), the limp attempt to inject some real action in at the end is your proverbial case of "too little, too late". Even if you're tanked on cheap beer some night and catch this on TBS, just do yourself a favor and switch over to the Total Gym infomercial instead. RATING: 3 |