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Hong Kong Pie
2000; directed by Nip Chi-Fung

Hong Kong Pie is a not-so-great example of how not to make a teenage sex comedy. Let's put it this way: the producers hired Diana "mystical breasts" Pang Dan, and not only does she not even display cleavage, there's a running joke of her having the trots, so any time she's on screen, there's fart noises. What the hell were they thinking?

Much like every other aspect of this production, one gets the sense that the film-makers didn't put one iota of thought or effort into their so-called movie. Hong Kong Pie is absolute rubbish from beginning to end. Even by the shallow standards of low-budget Hong Kong comedies, this picture looks, sounds, and feels as cheap as a clearance sale at the dollar store -- which I wouldn't be surprised how the producers funded this film, since most of the "action" (or rather, lack of it) takes place at an abandoned school and a dingy apartment.

I'm sure some of you out there are thinking "who cares about the budget?", which is a valid question, given the genre. But for those of you looking for another sort of "production values", you're going to be disappointed. There's exactly two pairs of breasts shown during the running time, and they're nothing special. Oh, you do get to see Samuel Leung spanking his monkey, which is thankfully covvered up by a blanket, but still disturbing nonetheless.

As if you couldn't tell by now, Hong Kong Pie doesn't have anything to offer the potential viewer, in either the comedy or eye candy departments. This is just simply a cheap piece of cinematic trash. Not in that "so bad it's good" sort of way -- this is just plain awful and painful to watch. I seriously want the ninety minutes of my life that I lost watching this cinematic chum back. At least I could have spent it clipping my toenails, making bathtub moonshine, or something at least somewhat productive, instead of wasting yet another night perusing the bottom of the barrel of Hong Kong film.

RATING: 1

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