Mr. Hercules Against Karate
(aka Hercules Vs. Karate)
1974; directed by Antonio Margheriti

Another entry from the bowels of your friendly neighborhood reviewer's instant Netflix queue, Mr. Hercules Against Karate is a terrible excuse for a comedy featuring the groan-inducing antics of the fumbling duo Percival (the Hercules of the title) and Danny, who are hired to head to Hong Kong to save a child who was kidnapped by a crime lord named Hung Lo. If that name indices a giggle, then you might enjoy this movie, and probably should seek professional help, since obviously you've recently experienced heavy head trauma.

Besides Percival's strong-arm bumbling and Danny's yellow-fever inspired lechery, much of the so-called hilarity contained herein is based on terrible puns based around Chinese names, such as the aforementioned Mr. Lo. And of course, what's a crappy 70's comedy based in Hong Kong without a few (well, more than a few) jokes that shamelessly play off of stereotypes that were dated back then, and are positively ancient now? I guess we should at least be grateful that no one actually says "ancient Chinese secret" or "no tickee, no washee", though I'm sure the screenwriters probably had those old chestnuts on standby.

But wait, are you looking for some action? Well, that might be something one might expect here, given that the film takes place in Hong Kong and features kung fu fighters and samurais. Yes, technically Mr. Hercules Against Karate has what could be classified as action sequences, but I cannot fathom how the film-makers thought the results here would be considered either funny and/or exciting by anyone other than a drunken orangutan -- and even the orangutan would most likely be tripping over himself to turn off the TV and getting a refill on his frosty banana daquiri after the fifth or sixth "hilarious" use of fast motion and cartoon sound effects.

I guess perhaps the moral of the story is that maybe it isn't a good idea to have an Italian production shooting in Hong Kong making a comedy dubbed in English. There are some Mystery Science Theatre worthy nuggets (such as the absurdly bad special effects featured near the end, which include an airplane that looks like it was taken out of a kid's Tonka truck set) that will generate a few unintentional laughs, but overall, there's much better ways out there to spend ninety minutes of your life, like staring at the wall or huffing paint, that will bring something positive into your life, rather than wasting it away by actually sitting all the way through this debacle.

RATING: 2