Bionic Ninja
(aka Ninja Assassins, Ninja Eliminator)
1985; directed by Godfrey Ho (credited as Tim Ashby)

Producer Tomas Tang and director Godfrey Ho once again work their particular brand of cinematic voodoo with Bionic Ninja. For those of you not familiar with their methods, the duo would take footage from existing films and then splice in new scenes in order to dupe distributors and unsuspecting audiences into thinking they were watching a new movie, or, for that matter, something resembling an actual motion picture.

Ho (here going under the name Tim Ashby) and Tang's victim this time out is the 1984 Kent Cheng action/comedy The Daring Kung Fu Refugee, a film that tells the story of a portly cop trying to win the girl of his dreams' heart while catching the bad guy. Ho and Tang's monkey wrench is twisting the plot (via choppy editing and terrible dubbing) to change the focus to a group of bumbling ninjas who have stolen "the top technical secret film" -- yes, that's what it's called. Anyway, why did the ninjas steal it? Because the the KGB hired them to, of course.

This leads to the CIA sending their top agent (played by Godfrey Ho regular Mike Abott) to Hong Kong to crush the ninja threat, and thrills and excitement ensues. Well, not really. Anyone who has seen a Godfrey Ho picture will know that this isn't the case. Godfrey Ho movies aren't about subtlety and well-nuanced film-making. At their zenith, Ho's movies are much like a car crash on the side of the highway, as one becomes compelled to watch for some unfathomable reason the longer the film goes on, as the cinematic carnage piles higher and higher.

Bionic Ninja's biggest fault is that it just doesn't have that level of bizarreness that marks Ho's "better" works. Simply put, this movie is just plain boring for most of its' running time. I can forgive a lot when it comes to movies: bad acting, clumsy action, hell, even uncoordinated gwailos dressed in day-glo ninja suits. But one thing I can't get around is boredom, and Bionic Ninja inspired that in spades. Even if you're in the mood just to kick back and rip on a bad film, there are plenty out there that are better (or, rather, worse) than this limp excuse for a Z-movie.

RATING: 4

This movie is available from Amazon.