VCD cover  mullet boy!

Shootfighter: Fight to the Death

1992

Director: Pat Allan

Stars: Bolo Yeung, William Zabka, Michael Bernardo, Maryam D'Abo, Martin Kove, Roger Yuen

Bolo Yeung plays a "shootfighter" (full-contact fighter) who leaves the game after his buddy is killed by a rogue fighter (Martin Kove). Retiring to Los Angeles, Bolo makes his living training Van Damme-wannabe William Zabka. It seems Zabka is in deep debt to some redneck loan sharks (yes, you read that right -- apparently some inventive inbred is trying to move out of the trailer park by loaning money and breaking legs) and so he and his buddy Michael Bernardo head to Mexico to participate in a shootfighting tournament, which just happens to be run by our buddy Martin. You can probably guess what happens next, and if you can't, it's time to head back to preschool.

You know you're in some sort of B-movie hell when Martin Kove is the villain of a film. Kove is best known for playing the heavy in the Karate Kid films, in which he tried to act tough by not shaving, wearing a black gi, scowling a lot, and slicking his hair back. In Shootfighter, he tries to act tough by not shaving, wearing a black gi, scowling a lot, and not combing his hair. Oh, and sometimes he shakes things up by wearing really bad suits. Wow -- props go out to the director for getting such a unique performance. Hey, did I mention that William Zabka played one of Kove's cronies in The Karate Kid but plays a good guy here? Man, what irony!

Though probably not all of the blame can be placed on Pat Allan's lap (even though a steaming bag of excrement would be totally appropriate). The script is one of the worst I have ever have had the displeasure of sitting through. It literally uses every cliche in the book, from the annoying girlfriend to extremely annoying kids and tons of choice dialogue like "You better have brought your body bag with you, man!" The fact that it actually took three people to write this is mind-boggling. You could probably get a better script by feeding a monkey shots of Jagermeister and letting it mash the keyboard for a while.

If you think the fights might make this movie worthwhile, you're sadly mistaken. I've seen better fight coordination between two old ladies getting into a heated dispute during bingo night. Even if the fights were decently staged, it wouldn't matter, because the camerawork in Shootfighter makes crap like Blair Witch look good by comparison. There are so many horribly timed jump cuts that I started to get a headache after a while. And the ideas behind the fights are just stupid -- the combatants wear silly-looking costumes and use ridiculous weapons like clubs with spikes in them. There are a few nice bits of gore sprinkled throughout the movie, but with nothing behind it, the bloodletting feels hollow instead of exciting.

Shootfighter is just putrid from beginning to end. I would recommend this as something for those insomnia-fueled nights when you need something to put you to sleep, but I'm not a sadist. I would just get a bottle of cheap booze or just smack yourself on the head a few times -- you'll certainly get more enjoyment from those than watching this bomb.

RATING: 2

A review of the VCD for this movie can be found here

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