Irritating erection. Did those words make you guffaw, laugh, chuckle, or at least crack a smile? Because that badly-translated phrase is about the only moment of joy the terrible Kung Fu Mahjong 3 manages to retch up during its' seemingly never-ending march to the depths of B-movie hell.

The story isn't related to the first two movies. Thank the gods for that, because having to dwell on the ponderousness of those two cinematic classics, and then experiencing the verisimilitude of human frailty brought forth by the repetitive nature of addictive behaviors pontificated via Wong Jing's lackadaisical script and Lam Chi-Ho's clumsily mortifying direction would most likely have the viewer suffering cerebral failure.

Puzzingly, Wong Jing actually got Mars to work on this production as the action director. It's great that the guy got some work, but did it have to be in a production where we're "treated" to a joke about Yuen Qiu trying to stop an attack of the green apple spatters by sticking a cork up her bum?

I'm all for some raunchy humor, but all of the jokes are heavy-handed and clumsily delivered, so they just fall flat, and become annoying after a while. And what might be the saving grace of the movie -- the gambling scenes -- don't fare much better. First-time director Lam Chi-Ho shows no skill at all in creating dramatic tension, thus the mahjong games, just like the movie as a whole, are a chore to sit through.

RATING: 3